Excuse me as I ramble my thoughts out on this page.. it has been a busy few weeks and I have found life just carrying me away in with it. I look back on the last week and I see how I got so caught up in life.Stuck in so much “busy” that I didn’t just be.
I had such a great opportunity Saturday to do just that, be still. To rest in Jesus. To fully focus my attention on Him without distraction. As I was driving home Saturday evening after spending many hours with beloved women of God and being inspired by the words of Beth Moore, I found myself wondering how I could carry this fixed focus on Jesus into my everyday. It was so much easier when I was a fresh Christian. Everything was so new and so amazing. Not that it isn’t now. But now I find myself more and more often reflecting on my week and wondering if I really put God first. I supposed if I even wonder that I know He wasn’t as first as I intended Him to be.
Its hard at this season of life. My children are young and they wake so early. We’re back into the “school” routine of life. Even if that is just christian preschool twice a week. For some reason my children are crazy early birds as well. In my ideal world my kids would sleep till 7am and I would get up at 6:15 every day to spend uninterrupted time with God every morning. Oh how I long to spend that time with Him! I do of course spend time with Him on a daily basis now but it is not without interruption and some days feels like so many other things are sneaking in front of God being my first priority. The past month I find myself checking in on that mid week to wonder how I can improve on this.
Motherhood isn’t always easy. As of late I find myself wondering why it has to be so difficult at times. I love my boys dearly but they sure drive me crazy! I feel like I fall short way more often then I feel like I’m actually fulfilling my role well. Thats the beauty of grace in my life though. God is being a giant, I pray, in those moments I am being so completely human in my sin.
My oldest son has a hard time actually processing what I am saying to him. It is all in one ear out the other and on to doing exactly what I just told him not to do. He is such a strong spirit, and strong personality. This week I find myself pleading with God in prayer for me not to break that precious spirit. I just pray that I can be a mother who will foster great love, compassion, and a bold, burning heart for Jesus with that strong spirit. I pray that God will show me how to do this and not get so hung up on the frustrations of the day.
As mothers I think we all spend so much time worrying over our children, worrying over our parenting, and just worrying in general. Maybe its not even worry but our thoughts are so loud we aren’t quieting them to hear what God is saying to us. Through a friend, through His word, through music. My mind has been busy this last few weeks. Just constant noise. All this noise makes it hard to focus even when I am spending time with God.
We are so bombarded with entertainment, news, others opinions, when do we stop it and hear Gods opinion of us?That we are loved, we are forgiven, and Jesus is enough to make up for all we are not. All we fall short in parenthood, in our marriage, in our friendships, in our service. Jesus is enough.. How often do we quiet our minds and rest in this?
As I jump into another week I’m refocusing. Focusing on resting in the knowledge Jesus is enough. Focusing on putting God first. Focusing on sharing Gods perfect love with my boys. Focusing on sharing that love with those I come into contact with.
So write it down on a post it. Write it on your mirror. Stick it on your fridge. Jesus is enough, He makes up for all my short comings, He fills in the gaps, He is my giant of grace.